Girl code. I have a love/hate opinion towards this phrase but it’s something, in my early 20’s, I’ve found to be of extreme importance. What should matter to all of us regardless of our occupancy, financial situation or relationship status is the strength of our friendships and loyalty to each other as women. As an intersectional feminist brand, LAPP encourages women to be united whether other elements of our life are difficult or not, seeing past pettiness and competition.
This is the time in a lot of our lives when we are becoming way more independent and self-aware, even embracing ourselves and realising how nonsensical friendships or relationships were before this point. During this time in our lives we find love, our truest friends, our real opinions and gain clarity of what our future could be. I have come to the realisation that the toughest relationships can in fact be friendships between girls. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak and boy bullshit when it comes to romantic relationships but these come and go.
A lot of us grew up watching rom coms and chick flicks discussing issues to do with girl code but sometimes we can totally overlook loyalty to our gender in more selfish moments. This is why we must look at all areas of possible girl code we could come across. I mean, we’re pretty damn complex, so of course in the most concise way I can within this article.
You’re either the friend who doesn’t know what their dream career path is or you know every detail step-by-step. Either way, this is totally okay. Let us remind ourselves of the women who took longer than their whole twenties to get to a place of success and achievement; Oprah Winfrey, Viola Davis, Meryl Streep, JK Rowling, Vera Wang….
The amount of competitive industries is frightening but if anything this should be a reason to support your girlfriends more so. Our generation have way more freedom than our grandparents did to be whoever we wish so of course we must take advantage of this. But unfortunately, things can get tricky when you have close friends within the same or a similar industry to you. In regards to girl code, I would say these could be helpful rules:
- Still apply for that job even if your girl is too – call it healthy competition.
- Be each other’s cheerleaders – help each other on your way up, you could both have contacts or resources beneficial to the other. Praise them up to your boss when another position becomes available etc. etc. Help a sis out.
- Collaborate where possible – depending on what the industry is, you could consider a collaboration so instead of creating tension you’re embracing the fact you have similar interests and goals.
- Remember your journeys may be at different points. They may get the job but this does not mean you should be negative about it. You’re allowed to be disappointed but you can still be supportive. You’d want this if the tables were turned.
This is a whole new kettle of fish, a standalone worthy issue when it comes to girl code. We should not only consider women who are our friends but those we may not know, but are somehow involved. Let’s try to cover the “basics.”
- Fancy the same guy/girl? – Tricky. Communicate about this. If y’all are just lusting and it wouldn’t get past drooling over their insta together then cool that’s easy. But really assess as to whether one of you is way more serious about it than the other. Be adults for goodness sakes, there are plenty men/women out there.
- See your girl is hurt or being messed around? – Knowing the right moment to get involved is hard because everyone is different with how they express relationship issues. Make sure your girl isn’t being take for a mug, remind her of her worth REGULARLY and make sure you only get involved if you see a REAL need. Use your judgement and existing knowledge of your friend because sometimes you really do have to step in and sometimes she may be exaggerating.
- Find out your partner is cheating? – I know a lot of you will have mixed feelings on this but always look at the situation from an outsiders perspective and weigh out everyone’s feelings. First of all, if they’re cheating, there’s no doubt they’re trash. But we all too often make that mistake of blaming the wrong person; the other girl. The third party may make you cackle, gag, angry, confused etc etc but it’s sometimes our duty to be honest to ourselves about what is morally right to do. It’s a bold move but if the guy is genuinely the biggest tool, I would warn the other girl. I say this because if I was that girl, I would want to know my S.O has other motives. Once a cheat always a cheat springs to mind… How she chooses to act on this information is her own-ish, be the better person sis and move forward.
- Catch feelings for your girl’s ex? – My advice on this would be that unless your girl is in no shape or form bitter/sad/heartbroken/angry/feeling any kind of way about them, MAYBE it’s okay. However, talk to her first. Personally, I wouldn’t. It’s too messy. Feelings aside, you should value your girl and realise this could really change your friendship forever. More options will come along, TRUST that.
Far too many women are guilty of tearing each other down without even any sort of justification and that’s sad. We shouldn’t have that animosity towards others so easily, especially when women have enough on our plates as it is with societal expectations and patriarchy.
- Build her up, hype her up – I’ll just say if your girl ain’t hyping you up when you look bomb or helping you glow up after a mishap, then step away. If she doesn’t tell you the lighting is diabolical in the pic she’s taking of you, have words. You should be each other’s cheerleaders as previously mentioned.
2. Relate to flaws – having that down day or low point where she’s not feeling herself or something about her, relate to it but don’t be negative. E.g. “Yeah tbh my acne is really getting on my nerves too but hey at least we still look good tonight.” Relatability is great support.
3. Encourage her – if her confidence is low, perk her up, take her out or just go over and put the world to rights whilst eating copious amounts of comfort food. Make plans to help her mood, a night out, a holiday or a day trip… whatever will help her feel more encouraged to do her thing, be confident or take a big step she needs.
As Women we have more than enough adversity thrown our way during the whole length of our lives. Of course there will be moments we feel disloyalty, betrayal and disrespected but let that be for VERY valid reasons and not something petty. Friendship is an extremely valuable device to help us overcome many obstacles and live our lives in a more positive and supported way. Being level-headed on the matter is key. Girl code is crucial. Support your girls, stand up for them and treat them how you wish to be treated.
Written by Jessamy Mattinson