Why Won’t You Reply?!

You find yourself in a situation with a guy and you’re pretty much dumbfounded by the person you have become and most importantly, nurse sales what you have accepted. Imagine the feeling. You question yourself – when did I become this person? I wanted to share my story about a time when I admittedly lowered my standards, tadalafil and almost couldn’t recognise the person that I had become.

I had been single for almost three years and to be honest I was lonely. My last experience with a guy had ended terribly and honestly, cialis 40mg I was still carrying the burden. I had accepted such shitty behaviour from him time and time again, constantly chasing him and ignoring the advice my friends had given me – unknowingly dropping my own standards. But I had to be honest with myself, I couldn’t put all the blame on him when in actual fact, my willingness to get involved with him gave him the permission he needed to treat me like shit. Honesty is one the biggest contributing factors to personal growth, listen to your inner voice and when it’s about to do something stupid – correct it.

Following on from my experience with this, I had sworn to myself that I would never accept behaviour like that from anyone. I had taken time to appreciate myself, noted what I wanted from a future partner and actually started to enjoy the single life, but the downfall appeared again and slapped me in the face before I could even think about it.

Rewind to a couple of months ago – I met someone and things were going great and I felt like I was finally beginning to trust again. Unfortunately that was short lived and slowly but surely, the same shitty behaviour patterns began to appear, which I saw but chose to ignore – again. After all the time it took for me to meet someone, why would I throw it all away just because he did something that slightly pissed me off? I chose to ignore it, lowered my standards and settled for bullshit behaviour.

I was ranting to a good friend about the situation one day who told me, “Alisha, you’re so used to shit behaviour that you don’t expect anything more“.

The words stung like hell but I had realised that I was not allowing the good energy to enter into my life because I had gotten so used to accommodating for the bad. My inner voice was screaming, she was the sassiest person I had ever met but somehow couldn’t appear within the actions or choices I made. I had become so miserable that it was affecting my family life and my friendships. I would sulk in the corner and constantly battle and blame myself for why my relationships with men had always fallen through. Until one day I thought to myself, ‘you know what – forget it’. I made the decision to remove my self from the situation and recognise that I needed to undergo personal development and learning.

I’m a very forgiving person – I think it’s a great attribute to have but sometimes it is one of my most significant flaws. I prioritised accepting crappy behaviour above ‘I’m a forgiving person’ – rubbish is what I’m gonna say. You can be a forgiving individual as well as establishing boundaries with the person in question. In life we make countless amount of mistakes  but with that, comes countless opportunities to forgive yourself, let go and evolve. We need to learn to recognise when we are internally harming ourselves through the acceptance of other people’s misdemeanours. No matter what the situation, don’t fall into the trap of letting anyone violate you – to put it frankly.

I know that I have a long way to go but ultimately, acceptance and truth is a starter and the most important factor in my personal growth.

Written by Alisha D
You find yourself in a situation with a guy and you’re pretty much dumbfounded by the person you have become and most importantly, try what you have accepted. Imagine the feeling. You question yourself – when did I become this person? I wanted to share my story about a time when I admittedly lowered my standards, view and almost couldn’t recognise the person that I had become.

I had been single for almost three years and to be honest I was lonely. My last experience with a guy had ended terribly and honestly, drugs I was still carrying the burden. I had accepted such shitty behaviour from him time and time again, constantly chasing him and ignoring the advice my friends had given me – unknowingly dropping my own standards. But I had to be honest with myself, I couldn’t put all the blame on him when in actual fact, my willingness to get involved with him gave him the permission he needed to treat me like shit. Honesty is one the biggest contributing factors to personal growth, listen to your inner voice and when it’s about to do something stupid – correct it.

Following on from my experience with this, I had sworn to myself that I would never accept behaviour like that from anyone. I had taken time to appreciate myself, noted what I wanted from a future partner and actually started to enjoy the single life, but the downfall appeared again and slapped me in the face before I could even think about it.

Rewind to a couple of months ago – I met someone and things were going great and I felt like I was finally beginning to trust again. Unfortunately that was short lived and slowly but surely, the same shitty behaviour patterns began to appear, which I saw but chose to ignore – again. After all the time it took for me to meet someone, why would I throw it all away just because he did something that slightly pissed me off? I chose to ignore it, lowered my standards and settled for bullshit behaviour.

I was ranting to a good friend about the situation one day who told me, “Alisha, you’re so used to shit behaviour that you don’t expect anything more“.

The words stung like hell but I had realised that I was not allowing the good energy to enter into my life because I had gotten so used to accommodating for the bad. My inner voice was screaming, she was the sassiest person I had ever met but somehow couldn’t appear within the actions or choices I made. I had become so miserable that it was affecting my family life and my friendships. I would sulk in the corner and constantly battle and blame myself for why my relationships with men had always fallen through. Until one day I thought to myself, ‘you know what – forget it’. I made the decision to remove my self from the situation and recognise that I needed to undergo personal development and learning.

I’m a very forgiving person – I think it’s a great attribute to have but sometimes it is one of my most significant flaws. I prioritised accepting crappy behaviour above ‘I’m a forgiving person’ – rubbish is what I’m gonna say. You can be a forgiving individual as well as establishing boundaries with the person in question. In life we make countless amount of mistakes  but with that, comes countless opportunities to forgive yourself, let go and evolve. We need to learn to recognise when we are internally harming ourselves through the acceptance of other people’s misdemeanours. No matter what the situation, don’t fall into the trap of letting anyone violate you – to put it frankly.

I know that I have a long way to go but ultimately, acceptance and truth is a starter and the most important factor in my personal growth.

Written by Alisha D

alishadandy.blogspot.co.uk
On your phone now, information pills how many messages do you have unread? How many emails are still waiting to be opened? Lastly, how many people have you mentally catalogued in your head as ‘I will get back to them at some point’? If you are anything like me then you may have a few messages or thousand emails, that have just accumulated throughout the day and tumbled over into the next, each deserving of a reply, unless it’s the likes of Missguided notifying you of their latest sale. 

Interestingly, according to the United Nations agency that oversees international communication, more than 3 billion of us have access to the internet. Technology has nestled itself neatly into our lives, that for most of us, our phones are within arm’s length for majority of the day. Not only do we have access to information all the time, but we too are also in theory accessible at all times. Achieved through messaging, social media, emails and phone calls. Should we latch onto the expectation that our messages will receive instantaneous replies?

I would consider myself pretty slow to the game of texting and online communication it is as though my mind operates through a Royal Mail system of a 3-5-day mail reply- something that is not compatible with the instantaneous nature of the 21st century. I like to reply when it feels comfortable for me and when I can give the reply my undivided attention. I acknowledge that my slow replies can be inconvenient, annoying, untimely and in some people’s eyes a bit rude, but I refuse to be made available every second of every day to be contacted. Tell me do you have a face-to-face conversations with someone all the time regardless of if there are things to do or if you’re in the mood. The answer is probably no.

For a while, I tried to change my availability and started to reply to all my messages within about 10 minutes of receiving them. It was great socially, the conversations moved swiftly from topic to topic and people received the instant responses they had messaged me for. However, as fantastic as it was going externally, on the inside I was drained. I was giving half effort replies, the least amount of attention and I was no longer focusing on what was going on around me in the present. I am sure we have all felt once that sense of obligation to reply to messages and to do so as fast as possible, that it has become deeply ingrained into our culture.

As a society, we place high expectations on quick responses and sometimes fail to put into context that the other person on the receiving end of the message could be doing something else and in fact 98% of the time they are. We have developed a sense of entitlement that someone has to reply to our messages and within our desired time frame. Otherwise feelings of animosity brew, perhaps a consequence of failing to achieve our sense of instant gratification.

That feeling of instant gratification feeds off the blue ticks on Whatsapp and the ‘read’ on iMessage or the ‘seen’ on Facebook messenger, that directly informs us the recipient has read our message. The delay in reply from that is often interpreted by some as ‘ghosting’- a 21st century buzzword that describes the sudden slowdown in messages that steadily come to a halt resulting in an end of contact. Most apply this term to a romantic relationship context but it is something that can be experienced in friendships. A poll by You Gov/Huffington post in 2014 found that the age group 18-29 were more likely to experience ghosting in a relationship with a statistic of 18%. It also happened the most to women.  

Although, I think it would be extreme to call not replying for a few hours or a day as ‘ghosting’ when the intentions are not malicious. I understand it can be frustrating seeing your message has been read but not replied to or if you have been left waiting, however, most of the time the reasoning behind it is nonrelated to you.

Instead, we should focus on being understanding and take into consideration that people live their own lives and within these lives they make the decisions to take the time away from what they are doing to reply to our messages.

Written by Canisha Chakadya

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