Laying down your heart can be a tumultuous journey. I’ve done the hurdle jumping, the emotional mudslinging, and the breaking of walls in the name of L-O-V-E. Exposing myself and confronting major insecurities has broadened my colorful horizons and after all is said and done, I can’t say I regret it. Yet, this is not another story on unrequited love or heartbreak. What I am here to say is that out of all the love I’ve had, the most heart wrenching and expansive has been with those who have identified as bisexual, open, or non-binary.
The classifications do not matter, however, the ample amount of emotional and sexual care these lovers have given me sure did. Though many in number, the lovers who have truly stolen my heart have been few to none. This trait was the common thread between all who I’ve appreciated most romantically. With one man in particular I found profound freedom from judgement. He would discuss with me how he viewed humans as souls within different mediums. He saw deeper and understood more than physical attributes. He was compassionate, open and a great communicator. I knew that, for him, this was in direct correlation to his sexuality. He knew how to work both sides of the gender coin and was comfortable doing so.
For many years I was completely uncomfortable with striking up conversation with “strangers” but here I was, in awe of his talent for being so effortlessly engaging. He understood the gestures, the body language, the invisible conversation. It encouraged me to explore my version of this “fluidity” in a bid to better myself. He made me realize that I had countless reservations towards people which held me back socially. I even noticed that these reservations were gendered, and with time and will power I summoned enough courage to look at men and women equally. I became less threatened by a person’s presence based on their gendered identity. I have not always been this open to sexuality but with various travels, experiences, and acquaintances I have become a liberated lover over the last few years. Granted, I explored some bits of this journey sexually, but it all came down to believing I was good enough to be loved by all.
As it seems, I’m not the only one having a personal and sexual breakthrough, since millennials have become the most bisexual generation in history. Gen Y’s experiencing of both sexes has doubled since the early 90’s; with what was once a conservative 3.1 percent progressing to a whopping 7.7. Furthermore, a U.S. poll conducted between 2011 and 2013 showed something far more striking and refreshing to me: an abrupt increase in men who classify themselves as “mostly straight”, which has given way to a new sexual identification. To think, if we are to view sexuality as a scale rather than solely straight and solely gay, we would see that many men are exploring their sexuality. No matter the analysis, I’d say confidence in sexual fluidity is on the ups. If we as a generation continue to disrupt societal norms, we will make some of the greatest strides history has seen.
I thank every lover I’ve ever had for their eye opening ways. It is in other people that we find our truest self. As I continue to explore my own sexuality, I revel in knowing that my fellow generation is on the same trajectory, if it calls to them. With time I hope this world will too recognize that sexuality has many shapes and forms. It is not of one design.
Written by Brittni Alahmar
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