Learning from #DateChallenge
Whether you have heard of #DateChallenge or not, dating seems to be one of the most frequently discussed topics amongst us 20-somethings. Are we dating? Who are we dating? Do we like dating? Is dating overrated? Does dating give us all the right information about a potential partner?
These questions are ones, no doubt, we’ve all asked or been asked ourselves at some point. It’s an age where opinions on dating range drastically as we are experiencing greater independence, career progression, and meeting more people from different backgrounds, this can definitely create a fluctuating personality – hence why dating could be so controversial at this age.
If there is one clear fact about dating, it is that tradition very much still overrules on who is expected to propose the date as well as who foots for the bill and who has the power; the male.
When it comes to online sex and relationships Oloni, interacts with her female followers a lot, and encourages experiences to be shared and stigma to be banished by doing this. She has covered topics including BDSM, threesomes, sugar daddies, kinks and cheating. These threads have caused followers to debate but also express their own views and some even become more confident in the controversial view they may have. It is safe to say Oloni encourages women to embrace their perspective.
One thread in particular which you may have heard of was the recent #DateChallenge. Oloni requested that her followers spontaneously ask the person they’re crushing on to go on a date. Sounds straight forward right? Well, let’s just say the responses people were receiving and sharing with Oloni’s followers ranged from heart-melting to humiliating. These responses can definitely teach us a lot about where we could go wrong when conversing with a romantic interest. #DateChallenge didn’t just seem to be about gaining a date, it was about confidence, confirmation and learning how to deal with rejection. It also became a way to expose those who probably aren’t worth the time and effort.
We’ve picked out the responses we feel stood out, whether that means we could learn from them or find confidence in ourselves to ask that question.
First of all, this thread reminded us that being a sisterhood for each other is so important, not only are we needed for heartbreak and mishaps but we’re also needed for encouragement, reassurance and to just remind our girlfriends that they have every right to be confident even if they aren’t. If they like a guy and he seems okay form first impressions, then why the hell not. Tell her she’s got this and that whoever she’s asking would be mad to decline. Some even took the step of asking celebrities and public figures. Why the hell not?!
This is a case of “you’ll never know if you never ask/try.” A lot of the time we converse over virtual platforms, especially with new people we met briefly. It’s so important to communicate clearly. This doesn’t mean opening up and declaring your undying love for the guy you met a week ago, but it does mean making it clear what you’re looking for or whether it’s a time for you to be dating. Misinterpretation and miscommunication are probably big contributors to all the “what if” and shoulda woulda couldas. So tell them you want to grab a drink, you want get to know them but also tell them when you’re not feeling it, when you just want to be alone or if you’re not feeling the vibe. It is well within your right to do so.
Secrets, Tea and mystery:
I’d be lying if I said this response didn’t leave me stunned, slightly untrusting and confused. How could someone get it so wrong? This guy was obviously giving off single signals because for him to not previously mention his fiancé is very strange, as you’d think that person would always be on his lips. A huge red flag. If there’s anything we can learn from this, it is probably that we can’t always attract the right people but we can strengthen our morals through meeting the confusing and the misleading. Respect to this lady, that would’ve been a hard pill to swallow.
Manners and rejection:
Manners cost nothing, especially when someone has taken the jump to ask you out. However, harsh rejection could ensure you don’t ever speak to someone like this when declining because you know how it feels to be on the receiving end. I think it is important we see that Oloni obviously just wanted women to feel confident in themselves regardless of whether they received a ‘yes.’ It’s so so important we follow our heart, within reason, but when the rude responses come in that is when we take a step back and remind ourselves we’re worth more than that.
Sometimes after a relationship, in quiet times, dry spells or whatever occasion you see fit, we NEED spontaneity. Spontaneity is so healthy, especially in dating as long as you’re being safe and not hurting anyone. This case was instantaneously beneficial for both parties and as much as we may like to take the time to prep for a first date, a stripped back “come as you are” #DateChallenge approach is EXACTLY what the doctor ordered sometimes.
As you can imagine, this response sparked a LOT of attention. There’s not a lot we can say other than, what have you got to lose? You either receive a no and use that as a lesson or stepping stone however you wish or you receive a yes which opens up many doors and could even bring you to this sort of discovery. How amazing.
We would recommend you finding the #DateChallenge thread on Oloni’s twitter account here if you want to read into the responses more and see how her followers reacted. There are so many cases of acceptance and rejection on all levels of the scale, all there to make you think of how you see dating and maybe even encouraging you to ask your crush out today.
Just one last thing. Think about your principles as a woman. Do you want him/her to pay? Do you want to pay? Will you go halves? Any of those are perfectly fine – just make sure they know your intentions and if they have a problem with it, you know the deal.
#DateChallenge is definitely a thread we could all learn something from in this ever-evolving world of dating. An aim to be almost fearless of rejection by feeling sure of yourself seems to be the overriding message. It’s so important we maintain our standards, remember our worth, have confidence, but most of all enjoy this stage in our lives where we have this freedom to meet different people and learn about ourselves. Don’t take yourself too seriously, after all you could be giving off the wrong signal to someone by doing so. Trust your instinct and take the plunge – happy dating!
Written by Jessamy Mattinson