The beauty of time is it allows growth; growth of the body, online mind and soul. Growth allows us to look to the future in excitement, seek but also makes us look to the past with a sense of regret. We all have those moments when we wish we would have done things differently. When we wish we stood our ground and not caved into the rubbish we thought was right. When we wish we hadn’t let the opinions of others influence our decisions. Our experiences all differ, side effects but there’s comfort in knowing you aren’t the only one who wished she said no. I’m hoping we know better now. So let’s take a trip down memory lane…here are 5 times we said yes, when we should have said no:
“I forgot my pencil case at home; can I borrow a pen please? I’ll give it back to you when I’m done.”
You know damn well you are never getting that pen back. You also know damn well you’re going to see your so called mate chewing on the end of your pen in about 20 minutes time. I don’t know about everyone else, but my pens and I have a very special relationship and I can’t bear to be without them. So why did you say yes? Because no one wants to be known as the selfish one out of the group and that’s exactly what would have happened if you had said no. So there you are; side eyeing your friend while she writes her answer for Mrs Brown’s question whilst simultaneously chewing on your pen!
“Follow me to meet him please – he said his friend thinks you’re peng as well”
So your friend has been talking to this boy that she met at the bus stop for little bit. She tells you all about the conversations that they have and how deep his voice is and how fresh his trainers are. Even though she hasn’t known him long, she actually looks happy and excited about this guy. So then comes the day after college when she asks you to accompany her to go meet him outside the chicken shop – his friend is going to be there as well. Now, you’ve already met this “friend” once before at a house party and he makes you very uncomfortable. He looks at you as if you are something he wants to eat and you don’t like that. So why did you say yes? Because you know your friend really likes this guy and you don’t want to be a downer by saying no. So there you are; trying your hardest to avoid the friend’s gaze all the while he’s rubbing the side of your waist.
“Yeah, me and some people from work went out again – you’re ok with that right?”
You do mind. You mind a lot. He has been doing this a lot recently. Going out and staying out late, then telling you about it afterwards. You know none of his mates from work that he’s always with and he never mentions them at any other time. You have also noticed a particular girl’s name pop on his phone from Instagram notifications. He tells you that’s just his old friend from school and leaves it there. Your gut is telling you that something just doesn’t seem right. So when he asks you whether you are ok with it or not, why did you say yes? Because he says he loves you and you know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Plus you’re just being paranoid for no reason. So there you are; in bed struggling to sleep because you know your gut is always right.
“I know you want to; I saw the way you were looking at me. You know I think you’re hot right? Just touch it…”
You’re currently thinking in your head: how the fuck did we get here? Was we not just in the living room with everyone else drinking and playing games? How did I end up in the bathroom with him? I mean, you can admit you actually fancy him a little bit, but you didn’t think things would move this fast. He’s got a tight grip on your hips and his mouth is on your neck. This feels nice…or does it? So why did you say yes? Why did you touch it? Because you want him to like you. He thinks you’re hot already and you want him to continue thinking that. So there you are; bum perched on the edge of the sink with your skirt lifted up and his hands in places you don’t want them to be.
“It’s better if you don’t say anything. People will start looking at you weird. Plus, he’s going to deny it of course. I know you don’t want that hassle; everyone is going to call you a liar or a hoe. You agree with me innit?”
Of course you fucking don’t! You’ve just confided in your friend and this is what they reply with! You know its total fucking bollocks and you will probably need to get a new friend asap. So why did you say yes? Why did you agree that rubbish? Because you know there is truth to what your friend is saying. You know people will instantly believe him and not you. You know people will start looking at you funny and start whispering about you. You don’t want to add to the dark cloud that’s already above your head. So there you are; sitting in the same lecture hall as him while you’re internally screaming and he’s catching jokes with his friends.
Written by Nabilla Doma
Remember that saying no doesn’t make you a prude or a nagging person, it means that you know what you want and will not compromise your values to make someone else feel better about themselves. As shown in this post, the situations can be as small as a borrowed pen to a guy forcing you to do something and in any case, your no means something. Read my post on consent here. -Leomie Anderson