Love Me Like I Want And Tell Me How To Love You

Ever since I learned about them several years back, I’ve consistently thought about love languages. Knowing what they are and how important they are when it comes to sustaining healthy relationships with others is something I believe to be extremely important.

Before I dive in deep with the personal, here is a brief description of what the love languages areActs of Service: sometimes we feel most loved when others do things for us. Gifts-receiving and giving: receiving heartfelt gift is what makes some people feel most loved. Quality time: undivided attention can be the way to some people’s hearts. Words of affirmation: getting that reassurance from others can be the key to some people’s happiness. Physical touch: the physical intimacy of appropriate and consensual touch is what lets some people feel loved by others.

And now, my journey. As I’ve grown and had several key romantic relationships, I felt that I’ve understood more how I want to be loved by a romantic partner and experienced changes in what I believe to be most important to me. Personally, all the love languages are mine. I need a bit of everything to truly feel loved, but there are two of them that I typically put at the forefront.

When I first took the love language test, I found myself being a girl who appreciated Act of service, closely followed by Quality time. That is why it was important to me having a partner who showed me they loved me through gestures and helped me live an easier life. Additionally, I wanted that person to want to be around me and for us to be so comfortable in the presence of one another that we could spend a whole day in the same room, doing everything or nothing. Their choosing to be around me mattered so much.

Sometimes these ways of being loved were not present with previous partners I chose. I found myself in relationships where my partners valued Physical touch and Words of affirmation, and this led to me feeling annoyed, unheard, and unloved at times. I was partially to blame as at times I wasn’t vocal enough about what I wanted; it took me a few relationships to get the gist. I had to learn to speak up and help guide my lovers in learning how to provide me with my love language. 

With a few romantic relationships and connections in the bag, I assumed that in this next chapter of life I knew how I wanted to be loved and cared for, but I’ve found myself not relying on the same love languages as before. Presently, I find myself requiring more Physical touch and the idea of Receiving gifts is very hot. I don’t know what happened, but it’s as if I woke up one day and decided I wanted to be loved in a different way. I’m still all about Quality time as one of my top 2, and an Act of service can definitely turn me on, but right now, the connection I’m exploring has me wanting to feel close with touch and the time spent together. My former partners would laugh at the idea that I want to cuddle up and hold hands often. But I realised that our love languages can change depending on the situation we are experiencing with another person or us going through little or large changes in our own lives that make us value different aspects of love. So, right now, I’m leaning into the new and allowing love to present itself in its many different ways. 


Credit photo: Alison Czinkota on

Written by Rudo Christine Gwaze

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