This article builds on the article What It's Like To Travel Solo Whilst Single And Pining For A Lover Left Behind published on lappthebran.com on June 22nd, 2022
On my journey I found myself yearning for something with someone I cared for deeply, but whilst distance made my heart grow fonder, indifference crept into theirs. Whilst on a wild night in Valencia I messaged my person letting them know I missed them and wanted to know when I could see them upon my return, eager to let him know that I was ready for our adventures to begin. What would follow the next day would be a conversation of a different note where he explained that a relationship wasn’t in his near future and how his feelings had changed. Talk about a gut punch. My article on distance making me want him was already published, yet my actual reality was being shaken.
What Happened Next?
Initially I went through the stages of grief. There was some anger as I couldn’t understand the sudden U-turn. Tears were shed as I wondered why I wasn’t good enough to be with him – don’t worry I know I’m fantastic, it was a passing thought. Bargaining was on the table when I was willing to settle for less just to continue having him in my life. But eventually I came towards acceptance and choosing myself. If the plan wasn’t for us to be together, then I had to make a new one for myself. And that’s when the next stage kicked in.
My Healing Plan
I figured the best way to get over it would be through a series of actions. I’d let myself cry when need be, utilise my therapy book to vent my frustrations and feelings, and talk to my safe people who could help me think rationally all while consoling me. Additionally, I vowed to enjoy the rest of my travels, and that was a major aspect for me. There were other fixtures I put in place and planned for once I returned home, but as I was away still, I leaned into the four outlined.
The Hedonism Takeover
Realising that the plans I’d made in my head had no future, I decided it was best to lean into enjoyment and allow myself to go a few steps further. The urge for romantic dalliances took over and I indulged in some brief romances with some men with top tier looks.
Some of you may think I’m crazy. How can she be heartbroken then thrust herself into romances with strangers? Well, it’s simple for me, I was partially making up for the great restraint I’d shown on my travels. Letting myself be loyal to my impulses and sexual instincts for the first time in a while was method of letting go. Also, part of my healing process was to remind myself that I’m capable of making connections and finding people who I’m better suited to.
The holiday aspect enabled me to have sacred romances where I couldn’t get hurt again as I could love what I had for one night and let it go, which in turn would help me relinquish the feelings I had elsewhere. I collected a few lovers to soothe the wound the previous one had left. And it really helped open my eyes that this ‘loss’ could be a gain. My travel adventure was going to continue either way, I could go out sad or have sweet explorations to remind me that I am desirable and have desires. I chose the latter and am better off having done so.
Where Am I Now?
I feel a bit more clear-headed, and now that my travel adventure is over I’m ready to work on myself and the things that I require. The idea of sleeping next to someone new in the future sucks. And being disappointed by someone I thought I understood hurts.
Eventually I will date again, and I aim to do so from a more secure base. I want to be intentional, generate intimacy and find the partner who thinks I’m worth having at whatever stage in their life they meet me. I now understand that the clichés are half true, I was only one half of this love story and whilst distance made me yearn for more, for him it made him want less. Just know despite the outcome, I’m fine and would never trade the experience I had for a different outcome. I think for the first time in a long time I’m not confused, so I’m grateful for this minor heartbreak because it’s led to a major breakthrough. Anyways for now it’s a hot girl summer.
Written by Rudo Christine Gwaze
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